Agents Of Empire/League of Champions/Results

Astro-polo is a space-man's game played by gentlemen, or a ostrich's game played by avestruz, or a snooker game played by yodellers, or, anyway, the point is there can be only one winner, and that winner is AWESOME.

The Money

Team sponsors brought in a total of 34 mega-credits, and television, tickets, and concessions revenue bring that up to 50. That makes the grand prize 25 mega-credits, and the sponsors make half their money back (rounded down). Therefore, sponsors make back their investments, and the first-place team receives 10 mega-credits, the second 5, and the third 1.

The Teams

Roughly three dozen teams from across the galaxy enter, but less than a quarter of those make it through to the finals. Some fall along the way to missed penalty kicks, others to unwise tactical play, while other teams get stuck at the slot machines and never actually make it to their matches.

Despite these trials, eight teams make it to the finals on Arroyo: House Intrepid's Arabian Knights (led by Seve) and Thirteen Thieves, House Aramin's Hau Ndogg Community College varsity astro-polo teamRecessive Lethals (led by Reig), House Prime's Kings of Kelp, House Vegas's XXTreme Astro-Polo Lingerie Battlers, House Tipno's Victus Victus, House Grazene's Glory to Grazene, and House Kresht's Honor Through Astro-Polo.

[Aramin and Intrepid entered two teams each, so I rolled to see how they did; Aramin's second team didn't make it but Intrepid's did. If Aramin would like to retroactively swap in Reig's team as the one that was pre-qualified, that is fine by me.] [Sure, let's do that.]

The Results

Let's find out!

Round one:

• Arabian Knights vs Victus Victus
  • The Arabian Knights lead off the tactics with some skillful mallet-based play, at which they comfortably out-point Victus Victus. The latter responds by taking the game to the sand, but apparently the Knights are just at good at swinging elbows as they are at swinging their mallets, and their skill pulls them to a victory here as well. It's only in the last round that the Knights get over-confident, and Victus Victus slips in with a goal, but it's not enough to win them the game, and the Knights ride on to glory.
• Recessive Lethals vs Glory to Grazene
  • Both teams had some difficulty with teamwork in the first round and things were embarrassingly scoreless, and the second round devolved into what can only be described as fisticuffs, at which the Recessive Lethals' sharp edges gave them the edge. Some brilliant physical moves by Glory to Grazene brought things to a tie in round three, but their efforts collapsed in the fourth, tie-breaker round, as the Recessive Lethals pulled off a series of expert goals that gave them the final victory.
• Kings of Kelp (aka Optimus Primes) vs XXTreme Astro-Polo Lingerie Battlers
  • The XXTreme Astro-Polo Lingerie Battlers come out strong with the approval of the crowds (and indeed flexing seems to be their main talent) and score an early victory, but when the Kings of Kelp make things get scrappy, the Lingerie Battlers can't keep up. In the final round, things turn to the more athletic and neither team really impresses, but the Kings of Kelp eke out a goal and the match!
• Thirteen Thieves vs Honor Through Astro-Polo
  • The Thieves come out with a cunning and scholarly set of tactics which flummox Honor Through Astro-Polo, but then are flummoxed in return by Honor Through Astro-Polo's fleet-tactics-related maneuvering. The final round is close, but ultimately Honor Through Astro-Polo's disciplined training gives them the edge and the victory!

Round two:

• Recessive Lethals vs Arabian Knights
  • The Recessive Lethals make the first round all about teamwork, which unfortunately isn't Seve's strong suit, and they set up a cunning play for a goal. The Arabian Knights fire back with their typically astro-mallet-centric play, and score another victory. In the final round, it's down to the natural athleticism of the Recessive Lethals versus the trained skill of the Arabian Knights, and while it's close, experience wins out over raw talent in this case. The Arabian Knights advance to the final match!
• Honor Through Astro-Polo vs Kings of Kelp
  • Honor Through Astro-Polo comes out strong with a repeat of their previous fleet tactics, and again it pays off successfully. For their part, the Kings of Kelp attempt a repeat of their take-it-to-the-ground raw survivalism, but Kresht's military training is a match for it, and no goals are scored this half. In the final round, both sides are obviously hurting and moving slowly, but military discipline pulls it out again, and Kresht moves on to the finals.

Runner-up round:

• Recessive Lethals vs Kings of Kelp:
  • Each team relies on their strengths, the Recessive Lethals sticking to teamwork and taking a goal, and the Kings of Kelp getting scrappy and forcing out a goal there. So it comes down to a tie, and it's the skillful athletic maneuvers of the Recessive Lethals that let them pull out a victory and take third place.

Final round:

• Honor Through Astro-Polo vs Arabian Knights:
  • Honor Through Astro-Polo's fleet-maneuvering tactics once again bring them to victory in the opening round, while the Arabian Knights once again tie it up in round two with their mallet skills. The third round is about to begin, when there's a sudden interruption! The Grazene team turns out to actually be MQaian rebels! They take the Grazene delegation in the audience hostage, and there is almost an ugly scene, but Reig and Seve's silver tongues (possibly literally in Reig's case) manage to talk everyone down. That settled, it's back to the match, where both sides play superbly, but the Arabian Knights play not just superbly but flawlessly, and take the goal, the match, and the championship!

Final Standings

In third place: The Recessive Lethals

In second place: Honor Through Astro-Polo

Grand champions throughout the galaxy: The Arabian Knights